Today…I file for divorce…after 3.5 years in counseling and alot of prayer, tears and turmoil, I file for divorce. Its been a hard road. One that has involved many lives, hurt many people and will still hurt my family. I ask for your prayers for them as I travel this road alone. I do not have their blessings nor do I have their support. I really am alone in this situation, and have no where to go, and no one to turn to. Life sometimes makes you do things for reasons others do not understand. I can not continue to become a bitter woman to all around me because of my unhappiness, my desire is to leave this marriage with some sembalance of friendship and my children and grand daughters love. Perhaps in time. I am stepping out on faith.I would ask that you pray for my family, those I love dearly, and for me. Pray that they will heal. Pray that they can forgive me. I honestly do not know what I am going to do. I thought I did, but now I do not. I just know this, for my own sanity, my own peace, I can no longer endure this. It will continue to destroy me should I stay. Lord forgive this child I pray, and see through her most sincere tears that her heart is hurting for those she holds most dear. Thank you dear friends…
No greater friend does one have, than one that will pray for you.
Blessings~ Nonni
Nonni,
I will pray for you and your family. Concerning your comment “Lord forgive this child” – there is always forgiveness, this is not to say sin is without consequences, sin harms people; but God is faithful to always – always forgive His children. Romans 8:35-39, states:
“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Not even our sin can “separate us from the love of Christ.” If so, I would have been lost years ago right after my new-birth.
However, God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), this is not a statement that He hates the person, but He hates the “sin” wherein one mate leaves another – it does not say that He hates the individuals that do it. God loves his children; He just doesn’t love their sin.
And before I present the final Scripture I need to say one more thing. I am the worst of all in sinners; I have repeatedly committed almost every sin imaginable except for murder, homosexuality and its other perversions, and a few others I can’t think of right now.
My point is, nothing can separate you from Christ’s love – not even yourself (“nor any other creature” – a term that specifically includes all humanity, especially the person the passage refers to) or your behavior.
You didn’t get yourself saved, you can’t get yourself unsaved – as long as you are really one of his children – you cannot be un-adopted, or un-sealed (Ephesians 1:5,13; Romans 8:15). And I’m not doubting that at all, that is a question between you and your maker; as it is between me and God concerning my salvation as well – the point is once you’re in, your in! Eternal security is not about human’s ability to manipulate God, it comes back to the issue of questioning God’s sovereignty and ability to keep what is His.
I just want to humbly admit that I have sinned so much in my life, as everyone who reads these comments have. Jesus stated concerning the woman taken in adultery, “… He that is without sin among you, let him cast a stone at her.” (John 8:7)
Sis, you know I love you; yet I must relate these passages. Please consider them, especially the one that states that a wife that leaves her husband should not remarry another.
Your brother in Christ, Brent
“Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment. For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches.” (1 Corinthians 7:3-17)
Thank you Brent for your kindness and love, you have reduced me to tears on this emotional day…I know, it cant be helped. I have read and do understand these verses. Thank you for you wisdom and your pastoral concerms and teaching …but more than that, thank you for being my friend. I am not leaving my husband because I want to marry again. I am leaving my husband after 3.5 years of marriage counseling, 1yr and 2 months of treatment for other issues and more than ten years of begging him to go with me for help for our marriage. I knew we were in trouble..His response was, “Im fine, if you need to see someone, you go” I am tired of being the keeper of the house while everyone wrecks it, I am tired of two grown childrens (ages 32 and 30) verbal abuse and willingness to let me raise their children while they party. I am tired of trying to help these two children constantly “get on their feet” at my expense and then watch them party. I am tired of having to be medicated to get through the day. I am tired of spending my days in tears when I used to be so happy go lucky. I dont want to die before its time to die…its time for me to take care of myself. I dont know how, but I do know this, this is driving me to an early grave.
The love between husband and wife is lost. Now that isnt to say that he doesnt love me, he does…very much. But the brick wall between us has been slowly built up, brick by brick …year after year…love has turned to resentment…and the wall will not come down…Trust me, I have tried very hard to love this man again..I will not spend the rest of my days miserable…I would rather be alone. It will be a long hard road. One paved with resentment from my kids, even my parents, but that resentment is already there from them now when I dont do what they want. Or when I speak my mind (which is rare). So, whats the difference. I have sat on the fence far far too long. Its time to do what is best for Nonni.
I have lost the love of my life, I have lost the respect of my children, and I have never had the love of my mother. It truely is time to take care of me,
Thank you for your words…I will take them to heart. Its getting time for me to go now. Ill ask your prayers as I continue on this journey, this is by far the scariest place I have ever been…I have to depend on Me. There is for the first time in my entire life, no one for me to lean on. Even now, the tears fall…it is terrifying! But I know this….I CAN DO IT! GOD IS MY STRENGTH!!!
Blessings ~ Nonni
And I look around and I take a deep breathe…for the first time in a very long time…I realize I am really going to be ok. Because no matter what, I am cradled in the arms of God. The angst is over, It’s two and a half hours later….it is done.
I am really truly ok. I looked in the mirror, and I dont have two heads, I am a little thinner from all of the stress, all of the hard work it has taken to bring me to this point…….but I can breathe a little easier, and perhaps tonight I will finally rest. I have filed.
I covet your prayers and your friendship. Blessings~
Nonni,
I just re did this (7:15 PM CT)
What I commented to you was my second draft; my first draft did not include Paul’s statement concerning a warning about a woman divorcing her husband.
The reason why I listed that passage was because as I was looking up another keyword and I ran across it, and did not want to post it. Yet, I felt convicted that I was not willing to forward the hard side of the issue to you. I was convicted that I was PERHAPS not willing to say what God wanted to say, what God’s Word says, concerning those things that are hard to follow; and seem to be similar to your own.
I am aware that you are alone going through this, totally alone (you know what I mean). And I wish that wasn’t true. And I in no way felt that you were attempting to leave your husband for another man.
I don’t want to rationalize any actions here, but I also don’t want to play judge either; I guess what I’m saying sis, even if I don’t agree with what you’re doing, I’m on your side.
And I know that you would do the same with me. I’ve been around so many people that are conditional concerning their love, but just as worse there conditional concerning their faithfulness (fidelity) to me.
There so many so-called Christians that find it so easy to judge another for sin that they don’t do, yet at the same time commit sins that are even worse. When I teach about discernment, it goes along the line of getting people to admit that they’re sin is sin; not about making judgment of another.
You want to know what a real shame is this going on, is the fake façade that we as believers have to act like were perfect, yet we sin every day. Oh, and for those righteous ones say they don’t sin daily, they just send by lying. You see I can’t keep the law; but what they don’t acknowledge; rather willfully or not, is that they don’t either. Because when someone can tell me that they have not violated the 10 big ones; we just need to go to the book of Leviticus in deal with the other 613 laws that no one ever preaches about.
I don’t ever want to be guilty of same sin is okay; but sometimes we wink at things that we think are big, while swallowing things that from the outside looks small.
Do you know where we get the concept that all sin is the same to God, it’s from the meaning of the word “sin” in the Greek. The Greek word for sin is hamartia, which means to literally “miss the mark.”
It is a archery term which means if you don’t hit the bull’s-eye, which is the same size as the arrow itself; you miss the mark. In this context it makes no difference if you miss the mark by half an inch, or 100 miles.
It has nothing to do with the amount missed; it is a straight yes or no proposition.
This is why it says if you fail in one of the minor violations of the law, you’re just as guilty as having violated the greatest, as seen in James 2:10, which states:
“For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.”
I am not saying this to rationalize sin, but this is to show that every sin is a violation of God’s law. Yet, this does not take from the fact that there is severity of sins concerning how God deals with man.
With God there is a righteous perspective wherein said all sin is not all the same concerning his condemnation of it, nor the severity of the punishment (hopefully at this point I don’t need to also make the point that every one of the sins that you have ever or will ever have done was paid for at the cross 2000 years ago – if there’s any punishment derived from sends it is temporal, a kind of cause and effect events and situations which occur on the Earth – when Jesus paid for your sins and mine as well; he paid for every one of them – and how many of your sins were yet future when he paid for them 2000 years ago. Every one of them.
The children of God will not pay for their sins in the world to come, yet this doesn’t mean that we do not pay for them down here – but this consideration has high above my pay grade).
By way of example, when the Egyptian midwives were told by Pharaoh to drown the Israelite baby boys (Exodus 1:12), they did not do so, they lied to Pharaoh; yet they please God and God bless them (Exodus 1:20-21). Whenever Samuel went to anoint David, Samuel was afraid that Saul would find out, so God more or less winks at Samuels indiscretion, giving him excuse of offering sacrifice – this may have been the secondary purpose, that was contrived; but the primary purpose was the anointing of a new King (1 Samuel 16:2).
The lies that were spoken by the Germans who hid out the Jews in Nazi Germany, is much different than Samson’s sins; and overlooking this is reprehensible in dealing with the true righteousness of God, who pays according to the weight of the violation. There are many other instances such as these, but this is not to say that God sins; He does not.
Yet, God will not be entangled by man’s own craftiness, attempting to bind God according to His own law within a fallen and sinful creation, which God allows to continue to exist because of His love for man.
It is a mistake to attempt to box God in, and blackmail Him with His own righteousness.
When it gets down to it there is a severity of sin concerning how God deals with it. And what about Jesus story in Luke 18:10-13, where the Pharisee is condemned in his sin, yet Christ example of rightness (not righteousness) is seen in the publican, who was aware that he was a terrible sinner.
And are we totally unaware that in Matthew 9:10, that when Jesus is eating with the publicans; and sinners; that this is not in the present tense – these were not converted publicans and sinners; Jesus hung around with those that were still in their sin. And what was his retort to those that were righteous; as is seen in verses 12 and 13, which state:
“But when Jesus heard that, he said unto them, They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick. But go ye and learn what that meaneth, I will have mercy, and not sacrifice: for I am not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.”
You see what Jesus was concerned about, was much less those that were sinners; but much more those that were aware and own the fact that they were sinners.
This is why I am so quick to make the proclamation that I am a terrible sinner. I mean really I am. I’ve been condemned by those that attempt to misuse 1 John 3:9, which states:
“Whosoever is born of God doth not commit sin; for his seed remaineth in him: and he cannot sin, because he is born of God.”
Some have attempted to say that because I take ownership of my sin I cannot be of God. In their arrogance they sidestep the fact that they’re reading a English translation; and don’t seek the insight of others that understand the Greek. The Greek grammar makes clear the meaning, especially between the singular and plural uses of the word (I will have time to get into it now). Yet the same individuals seem to gloss over 1 John 1:8-10, on their way to chapter 3, which states:
“If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.”
Now obviously I’m not stating all these Scripture for you alone, yet it is for those that look on this conversation, not understanding the complete Word of God concerning the subject matter that I speak.
It is amazing how far arrogance and pride goes especially when it is spiritual in nature.
For those that would attempt to say that God does not have a perspective of severity concerning sin,how did they deal with the righteousness of God when it comes to individuals going to hell, does everyone get the same judgment, though there is severity of offenses. I’ve even heard him miss guided preacher once say that as there is no levels of acceptance into God’s heaven, there are no levels of punishment in God’s hell.
Yet, this is ridiculous, when you really examine the parables of Jesus concerning stewardship. Is God so unrighteous that he would give the same reward of service to one who has never worked for the Kingdom, and has entered heaven by the skin of his teeth; as He would to one who has worked fervently for God’s Kingdom and died a martyr – heavens no.
Just because they misunderstand the parable concerning the workers that were all hired at different times of the day receiving the same amount, they misunderstand the point of that parable (Matt. 20:1-16).
The point was Jesus was speaking about salvation, there is no little salvation; nor is there any greater salvation – Jesus was dealing with the teaching that was going around at the time; and would be taught by the Catholic Church for many centuries concerning Purgatory, and the fact that some would spend a little bit of time in hell before they ever get to heaven (which attempts to dilute Jesus’ blood). Jesus was dealing with the fact that, there is only one ticket into heaven.
When I was young and went to Disneyland I became very frustrated when I found out that certain tickets were more valuable than others, who wanted to go on the cheap ticket rides that were for little kids; I wanted to go on the big kid “E” ticket rides which were great.
We all obtain the same salvation, yet this does not mean that we hold the same job titles and rewards in heaven for our stewardship while on earth for God’s kingdom (but this is for another lesson).
In all actuality, having different levels within the hell or its other synonyms is a greater display of God’s righteousness, than first considered.
If we took our definition of “sin,” which is meant to show that all sin – is sin; and applied it to the standard that the reward for all sin is the same, we would be incorrect.
If we took this standard and applied it to mother Theresa (who died stating she had lost faith in God – did she ever have it?); as compared to Hitler, we say that both deserve the same punishment in hell – is this a righteous punishment, that all sinners get the same punishment even when some are so heinous and others, while not living in faith, yet express such a gracious and giving life.
Would we grouped the Nazis and the Mormons together, or would the cold-blooded psychopaths share the same cells with Hindus.
There is a term that Jesus repetitively used (Matthew 10:15; 11:23-24; Luke 10:13-14); “more tolerable” when it comes to Gomorrah; and concerning Judgment Day and it’s just rewards. This Greek term mandates that there are different levels that a referred to, less tolerable as compared to more tolerable – the Greek is very specific.
Matthew 23:24; Christ speaks about the scribes and Pharisees receiving “greater condemnation;” meaning there must be lesser condemnation as well. John 19:11 speaks about a “greater sin,” which mandates that there must be a lesser sin as well. Again these semantics mean little to us in the English because English in the 20 first century has been muted, garbled, changed; with many individuals giving words little meaning.
The expression “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me,” only holds true if the words that were used were meant to be coupled with actions and the actions were not fulfilled. Words are powerful, and life-changing; when the action that is meant to be coupled with it is enacted.
A suspect hearing a judge say “guilty;” a man asking woman “will you marry me;” a cop with a gun in his hand yelling “halt.” These are but a few examples of how powerful words are – and how much more powerful is God’s Word, concerning the words that He specifically uses.
Sis, I’m not trying to rationalize; these issues are deep stuff, and normally far beyond the understanding of most Christians. All they hear me saying is sin is okay – yet it is with tears in my eyes that I proclaim that my sins mailed my Savior to the cross. That my sins have hurt and damaged the ones I love. My body bears sickness and disease based upon stupid sins that I’ve made during the last half-century – sin is terrible.
Yet what I’m trying to convey, is that as long as you take ownership of your sin and confess it to the Father, even knowing that you’re going to continue and; you are his child and there is forgiveness, yet this doesn’t mean that there will not be difficulties in pain that you will undergo, and may affect others.
Sis, remember I am there for you, and will keep you in your family in my prayers, and please do the same for me as well.
bb
I will leave you with this Scripture (the context of this Scripture is concerning eating sacrifice to meet, however the principle I think holds true as well):
“Who art thou that judgest another man’s servant? to his own master he standeth or falleth. Yea, he shall be holden up: for God is able to make him stand.” (Romans 14:4).
And yet the tears flow as I read your words and fall to my knees asking my Lords forgiveness. I truly could not bear the life I lived anymore Brent, It was destroying me from the inside out. Perhaps I didnt listen close enough….but I cannot any longer second guess my decision…Nonni~
I know Sis, I understand, I’m with you – I’m in your corner. Rest. bb
Still hanging on tight…chin held in an upright position,(determined to succeed in life) yet humbly depending on MY Lord…although I suppose its difficult to expect much when youve been a defiant child. Knowing whats right and doing whats wrong. There is guilt, but there is also forgiveness. Strangely, I am at peace. Is that wrong? ~~Nonni~~
Nonni,
Sorry I will not be on as much for a few days, my father-in-law is dying. My wife is fully meeting his needs, he is in a lot of pain and going fast, and needs all the care Carrie can give – she is unbelievable. And I am sick as well; I wish I had an answer for you Sis. All I can say is pray, but more than that – much more, open up God’s Word – it has the answers when we don’t. Must go. bb
“to obey is better than sacrifice.” bb
Brent and Carrie,
I am deeply sorry for the struggle you are both facing. I had no idea. You are always so self sacrificing and rarely share your own needs with any of us. Please know that you are both on my heart and in my thoughts and prayers as you endure this hard time.God is surely good when we need Him most, I have found this true even when we think we are all alone, He never forsakes us. I know Carrie is a strong lady, it shows in her ability to be a pastors wife, in the photos she takes and the love the two of you share for God.
Please give her my sisterly love and tell her I am praying for her to have the strength she will need to care for her dad, you, and herself during this time. I have grown to love your spiritual leadership and feel your loss as well. Blessings to you both, strength and courage
Nonni~
Thank you Nonni, bb